guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
