I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
