Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
