I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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