WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
