Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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