So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize