I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
