i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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