3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
