Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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