did you get engaged???
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
