Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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