I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize