She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize