Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
