I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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