You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize