I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
