considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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