I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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