so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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