we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
