quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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