Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
