Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
