She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
