Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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