This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
