You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
worst night to have a conscience
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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