thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
