Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
sick fucks of a feather flock together
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
