Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
