I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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