if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
