Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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