Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
