guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
