waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
