Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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