I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
