those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
