i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
