I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
