I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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