I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
