I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
