now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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