I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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