i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
