I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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