If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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