I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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