I cannot find my penis.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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