HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
sarcasm needs its own font
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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