I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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