Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
