I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
