My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
