listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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