After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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