I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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