But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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