Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
