the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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