After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
