ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
